A Legacy of Fear: Remembering 9/11

So every year since 2001, all of America stops for a moment on September 11 to honor and remember this tragic anniversary. For those of us that were around at the time, we all have stories about what we were doing that day and how our lives and our perception of safety was changed forever. For most of us who witnessed this day through the lens of the media, we go about our daily lives throughout the year. But it's when September 11 rolls around again, I still feel profound sadness and loss for everything we lost that day. This is my story of what I was doing that day. It might seem trivial and, I imagine, unoriginal as many college students at the time experienced something similar on the bus that day. Nonetheless, it changed me and what was most affected to this day was my perception of safety in my country.

I was starting my Junior year at Rutgers and had just gotten out this dreadful Calculus class that was supposedly my "for fun" class. I crossed a busy College Road and got myself on the bus to a building several blocks away for my next class. The time was just after 10am.

I remember the bus being unusually quiet, just because this was typically "rush hour" for students and even though the bus was full, something was amiss. There were two girls sitting next to me and I eavesdropped in on their conversation. One girl was telling the other that the Twin Towers were bombed.  The girl wasn't sure because she had heard it from someone else. But I was so intent on getting to my class that I just thought they were talking about the 1993 bombing, maybe it was a class project or something. As I approached the building for my next class, I noticed that there were no students hanging out in the entrance to that building as was usual, especially before the start of class. There were signs posted on the door and the hallways were emptied. The signs read: In light of today's tragic events, classes have been cancelled. What? What were they talking about?

I reached for my cell phone to dial my mother to see what she knew- my phone was cut off. But I just knew I had paid the bill! What was going on? So I proceed to call Verizon operator and she told me that service was interrupted for some time. I asked her why and she said, "The towers were bombed". I said to her, what do you mean?  She's all, Didn't you watch the news? I could have reached into the phone, grabbed her and shook her feverishly, but I thought I'd at least get her to tell me what was going! Then she was all, the Twin Towers were bombed this morning and we've lost service in most of the New York metro area- go home, it's all over the news. Ok, something was very wrong here- the Verizon operator lady just told me to GO HOME.

So I got on the next bus, shaking all the way back to my apartment where my roommate was already glued to the only channel we had left. We didn't leave that tv screen for two days (well, except for a bathroom break here and there). For two days, the world stopped and was tuned into FOX for the most horrendous and heartbreaking news coverage in my generation's lifetime. Classes were cancelled, the roads were emptied, no one came or left the campus. We could see the Fort Dix military helicopters flying over the campus every few hours, patroling the skies.

In 2003, while working in a hotel located near Newark Airport, an Arab man walked into my restaurant. He looked around and started asking me questions about the security in the hotel: why so many guards, what are they looking for? what about security at the airport? is it this tight too? Certainly, interesting inquiries from an out-of-towner in any case. BUT this was post 9/11 and as much as we try, stereotypes always manage to creep into your mind, especially when our safety is threatened. I remember this terrifying, creepy feeling overcoming me in the restaurant as this man fired off his odd questions at me. The next thing I knew, I was on the phone with the Chief of Security and he marched into the restaurant with a fellow guard and planted himself at this man's table. The three men sat for a LONG time. I will never know what they talked about and I'm sure this Arab felt completely profiled. For that, I would like to send my apologies to this man. But, unless you lived underground on 9/11, you had to know what this country had just been through and you don't go around asking employees of an airport hotel about the security protocol (AND especially if you are Middle Eastern)!!! 

Eight years: yes, life has continued. Do I feel any safer today? No. Even though I didn't lose any family or friends that day at the hands of terrorists, I lost my innocence and faith in humanity. That people could think of and execute such a heinous act in the name of a god, was almost historic. These things weren't supposed to happen in my generation- my lifetime. But they did. I look at my son now: a bubbling, innocent child who has no idea of what it's like to watch something like this unfold on your TV live. They only way he'll know about this now is through a textbook someday in a History class. I only hope we will have learned the lessons so that our children will never have to experience such human tragedy as we did.