What's the Hardest Thing?

Recently, I was cornered by a co-worker of mine who is thinking about having kids with his wife. And since I am the proud owner of baby Josh 1.0, he thought I'd somehow have something spectacular to say about parenthood. Geez, no pressure here.  He asked me, what I think is the all-important question, So what was the hardest thing for you being a new parent?  WOW! I've really thought about this several times over the past year. Parenting is so different for everyone, but we all have something that's especially challenging.

So anyway, I pondered for a second and blurted out: the hardest part was dealing with this overwhelming feeling of utter responsibility for another human life. I'm not important anymore, but this little creature that cries, sleeps and poops non-stop (these days, I can relate to Dooce and her Olympic Pooper, thankfully my washing machine works), somehow relies on ME for everything and if something happens to him, it's MY FAULT.

Now, really, can you just imagine walking around with that on your shoulders everyday? I need to get myself a great chiropractor. For me, everything else about being a parent just comes with the territory and is an absolute cake-walk in comparison. I can deal with colic, the diapers, and sick babies (this last one was also tough, ranks #2). But in the background, is this intense R-word feeling (I can't even say it sometimes). Even after 10 months, it's still there. There are days I want to tear my hair out, when the crying doesn't ever seem to stop. I step back and just wonder, I must be doing something wrong, he's not supposed to cry like this. Maybe I work too much, maybe it's the peas I gave him last night, oh! I know! He doesn't like that toy!  Nope. But whatever it is, it's all on me. I just hope I don't mess him up too much.