Sunday, September 20, 2009

Fall is in the Air

Fall has come around again! As I am typing, Josh is sleeping like a cat splayed on my lap (supercuteness!) It's my favorite time of the year- the leaves, the cool air, and this year is especially important: Josh's First Birthday! I'm working on a post all about his party- I can't wait to share it!

I haven't been blogging long about this, but this milestone is such an accomplishment for me as a mom. We made it! Survived the first year and can't wait to celebrate many more with my little peanut. I've managed to barrel through the year and it certainly has been a blur. Thank goodness for video and digital cameras, or I'd really never remember those exciting moments like the first spoon of cereal, the first crawl, you get my drift.

We're also planning a Vermont trip in early October. Hubbs and I just LOVE the Green Mountain State. We were going to get married there, but it just didn't happen. So instead we try to get away every few months in the Fall and Winter seasons to take in the fresh air and tranquility that Vermont just oozes. We usually stay at our fave B&B, The Buckmaster Inn in Shrewsbury. Innkeepers Liz & Richard are just fantastic hosts! We've been staying there for a few years now and we can't think of a warmer place. They have really raised our standards for B&B stays; anywhere we stay now at a B&B, we always compare it to the Buckmaster. From the hearty breakfasts (and they will make anything you want!) to the fabulous simple chic country decor, this is definitely THE place to stay when central VT. Oh, and it's small, so you don't get this crowded B&B feeling of staying at a large inn. You get to know all the guests and the innkeepers really well. We were even invited to have dinner with them on our last trip!

So yesterday, in preparation for the cold weather, and let's face, mostly because I feel guilty about neglecting my house this past year, I went out and bought my house a present- a new fence. Lemon and Muffie (the canine duo) have really done a number on the current cheap picket fence that came with the house. Hubbs has done some tampering with the gate to keep it from coming off the latch, but it really is on it's last leg. So in one week and $1,500 later, House will have a new fence attached. Are you happy now House? Will you forgive me for the recent neglect? We mulched and weeded last month, pruned the bushes and the flowers, and gave the grass some drinking water. You may even get a new roof next year, we'll see how you behave. You are certainly starting to shape up now! I love this time of year.

What's the Hardest Thing?

Recently, I was cornered by a co-worker of mine who is thinking about having kids with his wife. And since I am the proud owner of baby Josh 1.0, he thought I'd somehow have something spectacular to say about parenthood. Geez, no pressure here.  He asked me, what I think is the all-important question, So what was the hardest thing for you being a new parent?  WOW! I've really thought about this several times over the past year. Parenting is so different for everyone, but we all have something that's especially challenging.

So anyway, I pondered for a second and blurted out: the hardest part was dealing with this overwhelming feeling of utter responsibility for another human life. I'm not important anymore, but this little creature that cries, sleeps and poops non-stop (these days, I can relate to Dooce and her Olympic Pooper, thankfully my washing machine works), somehow relies on ME for everything and if something happens to him, it's MY FAULT.

Now, really, can you just imagine walking around with that on your shoulders everyday? I need to get myself a great chiropractor. For me, everything else about being a parent just comes with the territory and is an absolute cake-walk in comparison. I can deal with colic, the diapers, and sick babies (this last one was also tough, ranks #2). But in the background, is this intense R-word feeling (I can't even say it sometimes). Even after 10 months, it's still there. There are days I want to tear my hair out, when the crying doesn't ever seem to stop. I step back and just wonder, I must be doing something wrong, he's not supposed to cry like this. Maybe I work too much, maybe it's the peas I gave him last night, oh! I know! He doesn't like that toy!  Nope. But whatever it is, it's all on me. I just hope I don't mess him up too much.

Friday, September 11, 2009

A Legacy of Fear: Remembering 9/11

So every year since 2001, all of America stops for a moment on September 11 to honor and remember this tragic anniversary. For those of us that were around at the time, we all have stories about what we were doing that day and how our lives and our perception of safety was changed forever. For most of us who witnessed this day through the lens of the media, we go about our daily lives throughout the year. But it's when September 11 rolls around again, I still feel profound sadness and loss for everything we lost that day. This is my story of what I was doing that day. It might seem trivial and, I imagine, unoriginal as many college students at the time experienced something similar on the bus that day. Nonetheless, it changed me and what was most affected to this day was my perception of safety in my country.

I was starting my Junior year at Rutgers and had just gotten out this dreadful Calculus class that was supposedly my "for fun" class. I crossed a busy College Road and got myself on the bus to a building several blocks away for my next class. The time was just after 10am.

I remember the bus being unusually quiet, just because this was typically "rush hour" for students and even though the bus was full, something was amiss. There were two girls sitting next to me and I eavesdropped in on their conversation. One girl was telling the other that the Twin Towers were bombed.  The girl wasn't sure because she had heard it from someone else. But I was so intent on getting to my class that I just thought they were talking about the 1993 bombing, maybe it was a class project or something. As I approached the building for my next class, I noticed that there were no students hanging out in the entrance to that building as was usual, especially before the start of class. There were signs posted on the door and the hallways were emptied. The signs read: In light of today's tragic events, classes have been cancelled. What? What were they talking about?

I reached for my cell phone to dial my mother to see what she knew- my phone was cut off. But I just knew I had paid the bill! What was going on? So I proceed to call Verizon operator and she told me that service was interrupted for some time. I asked her why and she said, "The towers were bombed". I said to her, what do you mean?  She's all, Didn't you watch the news? I could have reached into the phone, grabbed her and shook her feverishly, but I thought I'd at least get her to tell me what was going! Then she was all, the Twin Towers were bombed this morning and we've lost service in most of the New York metro area- go home, it's all over the news. Ok, something was very wrong here- the Verizon operator lady just told me to GO HOME.

So I got on the next bus, shaking all the way back to my apartment where my roommate was already glued to the only channel we had left. We didn't leave that tv screen for two days (well, except for a bathroom break here and there). For two days, the world stopped and was tuned into FOX for the most horrendous and heartbreaking news coverage in my generation's lifetime. Classes were cancelled, the roads were emptied, no one came or left the campus. We could see the Fort Dix military helicopters flying over the campus every few hours, patroling the skies.

In 2003, while working in a hotel located near Newark Airport, an Arab man walked into my restaurant. He looked around and started asking me questions about the security in the hotel: why so many guards, what are they looking for? what about security at the airport? is it this tight too? Certainly, interesting inquiries from an out-of-towner in any case. BUT this was post 9/11 and as much as we try, stereotypes always manage to creep into your mind, especially when our safety is threatened. I remember this terrifying, creepy feeling overcoming me in the restaurant as this man fired off his odd questions at me. The next thing I knew, I was on the phone with the Chief of Security and he marched into the restaurant with a fellow guard and planted himself at this man's table. The three men sat for a LONG time. I will never know what they talked about and I'm sure this Arab felt completely profiled. For that, I would like to send my apologies to this man. But, unless you lived underground on 9/11, you had to know what this country had just been through and you don't go around asking employees of an airport hotel about the security protocol (AND especially if you are Middle Eastern)!!! 

Eight years: yes, life has continued. Do I feel any safer today? No. Even though I didn't lose any family or friends that day at the hands of terrorists, I lost my innocence and faith in humanity. That people could think of and execute such a heinous act in the name of a god, was almost historic. These things weren't supposed to happen in my generation- my lifetime. But they did. I look at my son now: a bubbling, innocent child who has no idea of what it's like to watch something like this unfold on your TV live. They only way he'll know about this now is through a textbook someday in a History class. I only hope we will have learned the lessons so that our children will never have to experience such human tragedy as we did.