What happens when the well runs dry?

I have now somewhat successfully (and not so successfully, at times) nursed my 10-month-old boob-loving son (oh no she didn't!) now since he was first born. From the way he now feeds, you'd think he came out just hootin' and hollerin' for that boob. Yeah, well, that couldn't be further from the truth.

Baby Josh rushed into this world, just couldn't wait to come out. He came out so fast, I didn't think the midwive had barely enough time to catch him. Maybe it was a combination of me wanting the parasite consuming my body out as quickly as possible, and the lack of room in my womb for his little tootsies to stretch out without knocking into a vital organ. Anyway, there he was, a whole five days early! All squishy-arms- flailing-what-the-hell-just-happened-to-me-baby!

Of course I was going to breastfeed, how else was I supposed to feed him!?! Now, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with bottle feeding and I was totally open to failure. There's one HUGE misconception about breastfeeding- that it's natural. Now, when I hear that, I think of the Geico Cavemen commercials: "SO Easy a caveman could do it!" Really? Now what suit in the ad copy workroom came up with that load of crap? I empathize with the pissed-off Caveman, especially when he seems to have adapted so well after several millions of years later, even dining out and bowling. I bet it wasn't easy for the cavewoman either, except there's no blog on that, is there? I am still holding out for discovery of a journal buried in Scandinavian ice that shares the woes of the cavewoman. Maybe she had trouble with latching her cavebaby or had a secret remedy for sore nipples.

As hurried as Josh was to enter this world, he was in no rush to latch on. But, already showing off his skills for faking, he was always sure to "latch" on when the lactation consultant came around. I couldn't believe it! This kid was barely a day old!

Of course, when it was time to come home, feedings were an absolute nightmare. Sometimes I wonder what it was like for Mike (that's the Hubbs) to sit there helpless just watching this squirmy ball of screams and flailing limbs and me, balling right there with him. I remember those first few weeks being a blur of tears, sore nipples and more tears.

I think at some point Josh's voracious appetite kicked in and he realized that he'd have to quit faking it if he was going to eat his fill! So a few weeks in to this disastrous nursing escapade, Josh finally latched on! WOOOHOOO! YEEEEEHAWWW! (OK, it wasn't really all that easy and I did have some contraption help from these shield thingies).

And we both plugged right along in this breastfeeding thing until a few weeks ago- the well started to go dry. Not sure why, and frankly I don't really want to know. Working full-time and attempting to keep a semblance of my pre-baby life in existence wreaks havoc on the nursing thing. Ever try to tell your boss that you can't sit through another two minutes of this meeting because your boobs are going to burst? yeah. Or how about the time I was in a meeting with four others (thankfully, all women) and my boss looks at me and says, "You're leaking". Of course, like an idiot, I don't even know what she was referring to until I looked down and to my horror, saw that my bra and nursing pad had severely failed me. There I was in my boss' office, red-faced and milk-stained. To add insult to injury, I had to meet with a student right after (still bearing the tell-tale milk stain) and as much as I was trying to hide it, the student asked me if I had a kid and then she said, "Yeah, that happened to me all the time with my own kids." MORTIFYING!

I could finally see the light at the end of this Moo Tunnel I'd been barreling down. The strangest part of all this is that I don't even feel bad. I mean, should I? I always had this thought that if I stopped breastfeeding too soon that Josh was going to shrivel up like a raisin with lack of nutrition. It turns out Josh won't take a bottle from me, especially if I hold towards my chest. The little man looks at me with the eyebrow, "Ma, you really expect me to drink from this plastic thing when the real deal is right there? (eye roll somewhere in between- yeah, he's doing that too). Well, I figured out a way around that too and now he's just happy getting something to drink. He hasn't shriveled up yet, so it can't be that bad.